Overwhelmed

Hello, everyone! I apologize AGAIN for the lack of posts. I haven’t forgotten.

Lots of things are going on, and I cant help but feel completely overwhelmed and utterly helpless. Maybe this is how ‘adult life’ is…I don’t know.

I always have problems this time of year with my depression, especially around the time change and for some reason Christmas. I don’t know why Christmas makes me want to cry, but it does. Probably stress, but who knows. I already take medicine for my depression. I exercise. I take my vitamins. What am I not doing?

One of the things going on is of course work. Black Friday is next week. SO much still has to be done, and I’m afraid that I can’t do it all. I have different people calling out of work more than one day a week. There were two days back to back that 2 people called out. I’ve stayed late to try to get everything done…I worked 11 hours Wednesday, and I still feel like I have so much left to finish. A ton of thoughts are running through my head. What if I don’t have enough product? What if someone calls out Thursday, Friday, or Saturday? What will I do?

The other thing that’s really weighing on me is health insurance. Woohoo! Anyone like dealing with insurance? Didn’t think so. I’ve had so many issues with healthcare–from verifying my identity (supposedly I don’t exist) to finding insurance my doctor takes. When I got promoted, and remember this is a tiny, tiny raise, my monthly premium more than doubled, and my deductible more than doubled even though I’d already met the previous amount. Now the insurance plan I have is going to be over $220 a month starting in January. I can’t pay it. I don’t have the room in my budget. I can’t go through and try to buy insurance outside of healthcare.gov because I definitely can’t afford it. We’re talking $600 a month. Yes…$600 a month for health insurance. Why so high? I had an eating disorder–that I’m recovered from–when I was in high school; I have depression; and I have health problems (not terrible) related to my previous eating disorder. That estimate isn’t going to get any better–ever. It doesn’t matter that I’m recovered..it’s the fact I had it.

So, yeah, I just needed to vent. I don’t like to cry, especially in front of others, but it can be the best thing for someone to do. I keep on keeping on and throwing my all into everything I do because I know I can do it and get through whatever I’m feeling. Maybe anyone who reads this will realize life isn’t easy and that they aren’t the only ones feeling overwhelmed. The only advice I can give is to hold on tight, acknowledgeΒ your feelings for what they are (however unpleasant they may be), and realize that you aren’t alone. We all have the same feelings at some time or another because we are all human.

I’ll be back next week..promise..I have this next weekend off, so I’ll have a little more time to write πŸ™‚

Until next time,Β 

-M

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